La vie en rose

Realising you cannot control it all.

29 mars, 2020
Control

How life is now forcing us all to stop, take a breath and remind ourselves that the only thing one can control is our own reactions and feelings. Nothing else.

I can’t even begin to count the amount of times in the last two years where I have been taking everything but deep-belly breaths. I have often had to lay my right hand on my heart just to soften my breaths and remind myself that stressing does not make things better or easier in any way.

But over the years I have grown attached to the very negative mindset that I work better under extreme stress and I also ( supposedly) become more productive and effective (lies). I have since then held on to that belief and planned my time accordingly.

Meaning not at all.

A combination lack of structure in my time-management, taking on too much responsibility and wanting to do it all whilst pleasing every single person entering my life (many times at the expense of my own well-being) led me to really start to work on myself and get to know myself on a much deeper level.

I shared my time-management struggles with my boss at work who was open to giving me the tools and means to work on this area, something I am forever grateful for – both to her and to the company I work for.

In addition to this I also started seeing a brilliant therapist and spiritual psychologist on a regular basis who helped me face my own shadows, my control issues and my deeply rooted patterns of self-abandonment. I also took an online course in ”Healing your relationships”- be it with yourself or with other people which I will share all about in a future post as it deserves all the attention in the world.

All these things combined have given me tools which I am now turning to when life and the world feels so damn uncertain and scary. Yet, I also struggle from time to time with everything that is going on, and that is ok.

control

So, during moments where I feel overwhelmed, these are the things I remind myself of:

What I can’t control :

  • The actions of others
  • The future
  • What self-care and love looks like for others
  • How others respond to stress
  • Others boundaries

What I can indeed control:

  • Staying in a positive perspective
  • Asking about and respecting others boundaries
  • My own ability to self-soothe
  • My reactions to what other people say
  • How I approach people
  • How I structure my life-routine ( example, I am spending a lot of time in nature/countryside at the moment because it makes me feel good).

Every second day I too am overwhelmed with worry and concern for the world, and the next I wake up feeling rather hopeful that the universe has brought us all of this for a reason.

Remember that most of us are affected by what is going on in the world, and it is time we have more self-compassion than ever before.

It is scary, yes. But it will be ok.

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